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Happy Birthday Chani! Chani, thank G-d, just turned 3 years old. Chani enjoyed her birthday parties, birthday cake, and especially enjoyed skipping around the room.

Chani has completed the high-dose radiation treatment (MIBG) in Childrens Hospital of Philadelphia, which also included a planned self-transplant of stem cells. Thank G-d she responded well to the potentially difficult treatment (being confined to her hospital room for two 1-week stays as well as the side effects), and we are now awaiting the results of the treatment. Based on scan results thus far, the cancer is unfortunately still spreading and new areas of disease have been found. Your continued tefillot, tehillim, mitzvot, shmirat halashon, etc. are needed and appreciated now more than ever. Please continue looking for little and big ways to make impacts and improvements in the world around you, and look for ways to bring people closer together. In this zechut, may Chani and all others in need merit a speedy refuah.

(The following message was written while we were in isolation in Philadelphia just before Pesach)
My father-in-law recently shared with me a short story that helped him through his own challenging period. Around 10 years ago, Dad was to undergo triple bypass surgery, and he was understandably nervous during the few days leading up to the surgery. As he lay in his hospital bed, he thought and searched for some inspiration or direction. He flipped through his Siddur (prayerbook) looking for something to put his mind at rest. Only on the morning of the surgery, as Dad was looking through his Siddur, the following words from the end of Adon Olam jumped out at him: "Hashem li v'lo I'ra" ("G-d is with me and I will not fear"). This renewed assurance that G-d is with him, allowed him a clear mind and a positive attitude.

When I heard this phrase of "Hashem Li v'lo I'ra", another line from King David's Tehillim (Book of Psalms) came to mind: "Gam Ki Elech B'gey tsalmavet, lo ira ra ki ata imadi ("Though I walk in the valley overshadowed by death [=go through difficult and challenging times], I will fear no evil, for You are with me").

I was recently thinking about this concept. I believe that I, like most people, have in the past misunderstood this psalm of David. I used to understand it to mean that I have nothing to fear because G-d will take care of everything, and that all will be OK, just as I want and pray for it to be. Why? - because G-d is with me. This, however, is not the literal translation of "lo ira ra ki ata imadi". It does not state that all will be OK because You (G-d) are with me. Now, after going through our own challenging experiences with Chani over the past year, I can appreciate the true literal meaning of this psalm. Literally translated it means that I will NOT BE FEARFUL because G-d is with me. This is the point. There is positive value in just being free of fear. Having a positive outlook and attitude allows you to get through even the most difficult predicaments, although not guaranteeing the desired outcome. My father-in-law, for instance, was not assured that the surgery would be successful and that he would come out OK, but at least his mind was at rest, his fear of the surgery minimized, and his emuna was strengthened.

Let's say you were walking through a dark park late at night in a shady neighborhood. Naturally, you would likely be walking quickly, looking over your shoulder, and nervously fearing a potential encounter with a stranger. You would not be sure that you would even make it to the other side of the park on your own. Now let's say you knew that someone, a friend, was walking together with you through that park. Your mind would surely be more at ease just knowing that you are not alone. Similarly, it is in the challenging moments that we are comforted to know "ki ata imadi" - that You, G-d, are with us.

My sister once gave my Bubby (grandmother) a well-known poem related to this. I called Bubby and she dictated the words to me:

Footprints
One night a man had a dream.  
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the L-rd.  
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.  
For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand - One belonging to him and the other to the L-rd...
He looked back at the footprints in the sand,
He noticed that many times along the path of his life,
There was only one set of footprints,
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the L-rd about it.
"L-rd, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most, you would leave me."
The L-rd replied, " My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "

-Author unknown

I have often found that attitude is sometimes half the battle. I think that mindset and outlook on a situation is crucial. I have seen many people get bogged down by the fear of their own challenges. (You may notice that I refer to these situations as challenges and not as problems). Every person has challenges in life. Whether these challenges are regarding a child, parent, spouse, job, sickness or other; for each of us in our own lives, these challenges can be daunting and scary. I remember when a number of years ago my Bubby, my grandmother, was caring for my Zeidy when he was already sick. She would get herself so down in the dumps and upset over the situation that it would not allow her to cope and keep her head above water. The predicament was difficult enough as it was; to be down in the dumps as well, would only pull her down further. I remember always telling Bubby then, to look at life and at each particular situation as the cup being half full and not half empty.

We say in the birkat hamazon (grace after meals): "Hazor'im bidima'a, b'rina yiktzoru". ("those who tearfully sow, will reap with glad song"). This psalm is referring to the dream of the Jewish People returning to Zion, "beshuv Hashem et shivat tziyon hayinu k'cholmim". King David teaches us that those who work and struggle with tears in their eyes and emotionally grapple with the challenges, one day they will reap the benefit of their tears and will enjoy. This is true not only for the topic of shivat zion, but true as well for each of us in our own lives. This would have been a fine and nice message if I would stop here. But our friend Uri Schneider told me a vort from Reb Shlomo Carlebach on this psalm which I believe adds tremendous insight into how to lead our lives and how to stand up to our challenges. Reb Shlomo takes this same line of King David and uses a play on words to teach a deeper message. How will we be able to reap the benefits of our planting and our work, asks Reb Shlomo. "Hazor'im B'dima BERINA, - ...Yiktzoryu" - those who toil and plant with tears with song and with optimism,- they will transcend and will reap and see fruits. By knowing that Hashem is with us always, we are able to look at the difficult and challenging times with a positive outlook.

Granted that achieving this outlook on life is easier said than done. We each have moments when doubt, fear, skepticism, nervousness, and uncertainty creep in to our psyche. How does one overcome these difficult challenges and stay focused? Ultimately, the knowledge of "ki ata imadi" is the main message. However, I also believe that in order to prevail it isimportant to stay focused on the positives and remember all of the little things that make our cup half full, and to be thankful for. Often when one is sick or has a close relative who is sick, they will work tirelessly for days and months and years to change or improve a certain aspect of the illness or behavior, but become depressed and down as they see no or little visible progress. We need to remember to point out the little things that we were able to accomplish, as opposed to the big steps that still need to be taken.

A number of months ago I was driving Chani to the hospital and I was listening to ESPN radio, the Sports radio talk show in New York. The commentator referred to a poster that hangs in the NY Giants locker room (although it really could have been anywhere). The poster, to me, really sums it up. The poster reads: "10% of life is what happens to you; 90% of life is how you react to it."

During challenging times I think it also helps to think of the little things that make us happy and grateful to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. By remembering these joyous moments or happy thoughts, they carry us through the challenging times. For me, I carry with me always 2 stories that Chani and I shared together. The first happened about 1 year ago. Chani and I were walking out of the hospital in New York one day, and I noticed that it had started to drizzle outside. I mentioned to Chani that it was raining a little. She turned up to me with the sweetest, purest look and exclaimed, "Baby Rain!". I just thought that that was one of the sweetest lines.

The second story happened a few months ago as Chani and I were walking together along the sidewalk on Main Street in Queens, New York. We came across one store, a barber shop, that had a bird cage in it. We first admired the birds through the window, and then decided to go inside and see and talk to the birds first hand. After playing with the birds, as we left the store and continued on our way down Main Street, Chani turned to me and said, "those birds are waiting to get their haircut!". I think that says it all. I believe that each of us carries within us our own "baby rain" or "birds haircut" story just for those challenging moments. Either way, feel free to utilize these stories if ever needed.

Recently I was thinking how amazing Chani is. (She is amazing in many ways). Specific to our message, Chani has taught me by example as she routinely goes through hospital visits, injections, medicine, chemo, radiation, etc. She goes through every step with her smile and her laugh, and makes the most of each treatment. This is not to say that she does not go through difficulty and pain, but Chani knows how to have fun and be playful through it all. Besides her beautiful personality, I think that it is the naivet� of a 3 year old. No one told her that she is supposed to be scared or that she is supposed to get down in the dumps.

One could ask: where can this positive outlook come from, when at times things seem difficult? Chazal teach us that: "Kol maan d'avid rachmana, letav avid. " (All that G-d does is right and is for the good"). I told Chani's doctor last week that we all must count our blessings. He looked at me like I was crazy given the present circumstances, but I know that it will not help to be down, and there is, thank G-d, much that we have been blessed with, and much to continue to be thankful for.

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